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Inside a lavish living room the wealthy Heiress is sitting on her sofa

WEALTHY HEIRESS
It seems to me that the purpose of Higher Education is to over-qualify every Johnny Punchclock for his place in the real world.

Outside the shopping precinct the Steakhouse Mascot stands in the street.

STEAKHOUSE MASCOT
You’re only delaying the crushing inevitability of the modern workplace.

The shopkeeper is standing behind a counter in the pound shop

SHOPKEEPER
And all for what? Three years later, ten grand lighter and a 2.2 in Peace Studies

Inside a lavish living room the wealthy Heiress is sitting on her sofa

WEALTHY HEIRESS
I mean why not settle for one’s lot in life? And if you want to broaden your horizons, I suggest getting out of bed before lunch.

The camera reveals NICK giving her a pedicure, dressed as one of the Beauticians.

NICK
Actually love, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

We see a montage of students enjoying the university environment

Forget the myths; going to uni is a fun, affordable way to start your career.

Outside on the university lawn we see NICK wearing a graduation cap and gown and clutching a scroll.

I went to university; I now live in a manor house and I’m surrounded by a harem of lapdogs, like this. Get lost.

He smiles inertly into the middle distance before throwing down the cap and coming to life. NICK is attended by a small entourage of hair and make-up people; he shoos them away and says get lost rudely.

NARRATOR
I’m your guide, Nick Grimshaw, to the financial support on offer to students going to uni from September 2008.

We see a montage of shots of Nick Grimshaw in his various guises as a student, shopkeeper and graduate.

NICK
Getting a degree is gonna get you the job that you want and get you more money.

So if you want to know what student loans are, or whether you qualify for a non-repayable maintenance grant; go to direct.gov.uk/unimoney

NARRATOR
For the low-down from successful graduates…

There is a montage of interviews of some successful gradates, these include Eloise Tooke, Bobby Reddy and Dylan Jones

You meet people from all walks of life. I learned how to cook, I fell in love. I learned more about myself than I did in my previous eighteen years.

We see a montage of students enjoying the university environment

NARRATOR
... and to pick up some great money saving ideas.

STUDENT
Rinse your student card; you’ve got it for a reason.

NARRATOR
So visit the website now, and get the facts.

Back in the Heiress living room she ’ahem ’s and wiggles a foot under Nick ’s nose. They exchange looks before Nick returns to the task in hand; ’accidentally ’ buffing her toenails a bit too hard.

Ow! Oh, sorry love.

TEXT ON SCREEN
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